Terrible Twos
by ClumsyFox
Summary: A mysterious mage stalks Skulduggery and Valkyrie. And who’s the mysterious baby who appears in front of Skulduggery? I have no clue what genres it goes under, but there will be little Valduggery! Rated T for language... and ideas...


**Me Notes:** I already have a story like this out for a different catagoery (which I should update...), but I decided to do one for Skulduggery Pleasant too! Hope ya like! Me no own the Skulduggery Pleasant Series!

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**Terrible Twos**

**Chapter One**

She knew she shouldn't be watching scary movies, but she couldn't help it. The brunette teen loved the thrill these movies gave her. Of course it wasn't as exciting as actually living it in the cases she had with the Skeleton Detective, but it was second best. Her parents never approved so whenever her parents allowed her to spend the night at her late Uncle Gordon's house, she always read and watched horror films.

Everything in the enormous house was silent except for the creaking of the old wood. Outside, the wind howled, setting up the girl's imagination for the worse. All of her senses were on alert as the movie kept on playing, no longer paying attention to the plot. Her pulse quickened for some reason she couldn't explain.

**BAM!!** The front door burst open and the girl screamed and jumped off the couch.

"Gosh, am I that scarily good looking?" A slim figure stood at the doorway holding his hat as the wind blew into the house. His trench coat was on the verge of ripping off his gaunt frame.

"Skulduggery! Close the door so I can kill you!!" her voice was barely heard over the roar of the wind.

He did as he was told and easily dodged a punch she threw at him. He rotated his body to dodge another attack and saw the movie still playing on the television. "I'll never understand how you can stand to watch such movies if you usually partake in far better action than can ever be imagined." Skulduggery took off his disguise and sat it down on a coat racket. "Let's watch a different one, Valkyrie."

Valkyrie groaned, not for the fact that she couldn't watch horror movies anymore, but she groaned because Skulduggery was going to watch something with her. She'll never get him to shut up.

"I'll pick the next one!" he said happily.

"I'll go drown my miseries in popcorn," Valkyrie sighed and got up. In the brightly lit kitchen she saw that the clock read 12:00 A.M. _Maybe I'll end up falling asleep and spared for tonight, _she thought as the popcorn popped.

Meanwhile, Skulduggery went through video cases on Gordon's shelves. There were so many titles he decided he'd just randomly pick one until he saw one case without a cover. His boney index finger plucked it out. It simply read, "_Home Videos."_ Curiosity was always a companion of Skulduggery, so he opened it and out fell a picture of a couple and their new child.

A chuckle escaped his teeth. "Little baby Stephanie, how cute." He took out the DVD and replaced the horror movie. The first minutes took place in a hospital.

"_I am so excited!"_ said a voice unseen in the video. Skulduggery assumed it was Stephanie's father because Gordon was furiously writing on a pad in the waiting room. _"What do you think I should name him?"_

"_Him? Are you sure it's a male?"_ Gordon stopped writing to look up at the camera. _"And why aren't you in there?"_

The camera was horribly held and moved all around. "_I… I'm a little squeamish to tell you the truth."_

"_For God's sake, go in there and support your wife!"_ Gordon grabbed the camera from his little brother. _"Oh, and I get to name her if she's a girl!!"_ The screen suddenly went black then static took over for a split second then the camera landed on a chubby, pink, baby. _"Hello little one."_

"_So what are you going to name __**my**__ child, Gordon?"_ Mrs. Edgely gave a murderous glare at the camera that was protecting him.

"_I'll only suggest,"_ he said behind a camera. _"How about…Tanith?"_

Skulduggery let himself laugh loudly, which in turn got Valkyrie's attention. "What are you laughing about?"

"The possibility of you having been named after Tanith," Skulduggery never removed his "eyes" off the television.

"_**Get out**__,"_ threatened Stephanie's mother.

"_Morweena?"_

"_**Get…**__"_

"_I know! I know! How about China?!"_

"…_**Out…**__"_

"_Valkyrie!!" Gordon said followed by a little sound that came from the crib the newborn girl laid._

"…_**NOW!!**__"_

"_Okay, okay, do you like the name of Stephanie?"_

"_Stephanie!"_ her father called out and the camera flew to him. _"I like that name. And look! She likes it too! Stephanie's smiling!"_

Baby Stephanie took center stage as she tried to move her fingers. Teenage Stephanie cracked a smile and Skulduggery laughed again. "Seems to me that you already knew both of your names. I've read somewhere that infants and babies are more intuitive than when they grow up. You seem to have fallen into that statistic."

Valkyrie slapped him over the head, "Same goes for you then."

"Not true," Skulduggery pressed pause on the remote control, not wanting to miss a moment of the home video, and turned to look at his partner. "I've remained the same since birth."

She smirked, "So you mean if you still had salivary glands, you'd still spit up on yourself?" Stephanie knew if he had eyes, he'd roll them like she's done to him countless of times.

"I guess you'll never know, but I'll soon find out," he turned back around and continued on watching. The next scene started with Stephanie learning to crawl. "It looks like you're dragging your chubby self around."

"So? At least I look cute doing it," she shot back.

"That you do," he nodded and glanced at a now blushing Valkyrie discreetly. "Ah, and you look even more adorable in the white and pink little sundress you're wearing." Skulduggery viewed Stephanie's first birthday party and first birthday cake. Little Stephanie grabbed a chunk of cake and smeared it all over her face before her parents had any time to react. Skulduggery erupted in laughter once again, "Impatient, you were impatient both before you were two and now. Seems like some of you has remained the same since birth."

"Shut up," Valkyrie walked back to the kitchen and retrieved her popcorn. From the kitchen she yelled, "My guess is that your parents couldn't get you to shut up from the second you were born."

"Yet they, and you, still love me." Stephanie had shoved popcorn into her mouth and was now chocking on it. "Oh, come on. You don't have to be rude about it." He turned around and saw her turn a shade of blue. Quickly he jumped over the couch he was sitting on and ran into the kitchen. Skulduggery pounded on her back, but the popcorn lodged in her throat wouldn't budge. He stopped hitting her and wrapped his arms around her waist, found her bellybutton, placed his fist above it, wrapped the other hand on his fist, and did the Heimlich maneuver. It finally came out and landed on the floor.

"I've always figured I'd someday have to save you from yourself," Skulduggery grabbed her bowl of popcorn and carried her with one boney arm to the couch. Even though it was uncomfortable, she liked being so close to him even if he was being insulting.

"That only means I'll save you from you later on," she said as soon as her voice found her.

Skulduggery was going to respond, but a giggle from the screen captivated his attention. The little girl was in the bath tub splashing her parents as well as the camera. "Oh God," Stephanie's face went from crimson red to snow white.

"Stop splashing Stephanie!" her mother giggled along and the toddler stopped. Instead of splashing she took a deep breath and ducked her head underwater. Five seconds didn't pass by when her mom pulled her out because she was worried, but she came out giggling even more. "Our Steph's going to become a swimmer."

The skeleton would be smiling if he had a face so instead he chuckled and nodded. No comments from Skulduggery worried Valkyrie, she was about to ask something, but her own voice, although more childish, asked first, "What else do I do mum?" She was given orders to pick up her mess in her playroom and she happily answered okay. She sort of skipped and ran off to pick up her toys in another sundress, blue this time.

Valkyrie's head whipped to the window to the left of her. It was pitch black outside, yet she felt like someone was out there, staring at them. Skulduggery was too entertained by her toddler version he didn't even answer when she asked him about it. _No, it's just me still trapped in the horror film. I'm over reacting. _As hard as she tried, her eyes wouldn't move away from the window.

Skulduggery shook his head, "I wish Valkyrie was a toddler again. Then maybe that way she'd listen to what I say instead of going off on her own when it's dangerous. Did you even hear what I said Valkyrie?"

She blinked rapidly and ripped her attention away from the window, "Wha?"

He opened his mouth to repeat what he said, but before he could say anything, Valkyrie disappeared. At least he thought she disappeared until he saw the spitting image of the girl on the television right in front of him.

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**Me Notes:** Did any of you guess this woulda happened? This was meant to be a one-shot, but since I can't do short stories, it got bigger. Tell me whatcha think, and I'll make time to update. (I got finals for two whole weeks then I'm out of school for the summer!! Sorta.)


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